Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Estimated Property Damage Inflicted in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

In this blog’s grand tradition of ceaselessly providing essential public services, here is a detailed invoice of the estimated property damage inflicted in the 1989 hit film National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation:

Beautiful, expensive humor.
-Windows shattered by the unveiling of oversized Christmas tree: 2 windows at $700 each
-Other destruction from tree: $100
-Yuppie neighbors’ high end stereo destroyed and window shattered by huge icicle: $780
-Clark’s flannel shirt ripped when stapling lights to the house: $20
-Hole in ceiling created when Clark falls through the attic: $988
-Yuppie neighbors’ dishes smashed and carpet stained with wine when the Griswold’s house lights up: $50
-Santa and reindeer lawn display kicked in by Clark: $99
-Saucer sled ripped to shreds when lubricated with a non-nutrative cereal varnish and ridden down a mountain and across a Wal-Mart parking lot: $15
-Damage to warming shed Clark sleds through: $350
-Light bulbs smashed by Cousin Eddie’s bag of dog food: $2
-Strand of Christmas lights chewed up by cat: $9
-Living room chair destroyed by flaming cat: $400
-Cat: $14
-Uncle Lewis’ suit burned in tree fire: $100
-Drapes burned in tree fire: $50
-Ornaments destroyed in tree fire: $75
-Superfluous damage and destroyed walls in tree fire: $1500
-Door knocker ripped off by delivery man: $65
-Yuppie neighbors’ dining room window smashed when Clark fells tree: $700
-Banister post chainsawed off by Clark: $60
-Door destroyed when Snots the dog smashes through it in squirrel chase: $148
-Fine china smashed by Snots and squirrel: $90
-Yuppie neighbor’s dress ripped apart by squirrel: $110
-Windows shattered by SWAT team: 4 at $700 each
-Yuppie neighbor’s door kicked in by SWAT team: $575
-Uncle Lewis’ toupee singed in gas explosion: $325
What!
-Final successful endeavor in Chevy Chase’s career: Priceless
That comes out to a grand total of some $10,825, not counting the inevitable city fines coming for starting a massive chemical explosion. The lesson learned by America? When in doubt, allow Chevy Chase to set something on fire and let the good times roll!  If you have questions about your holiday insurance coverage, your trusted agent at ReduceMyInsurance.Net is here to help!  Happy Holidays!